Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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