I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
