Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
