Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
