whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
