lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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