Will you blow on my dice?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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