It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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