This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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