I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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