VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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