just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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