Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
