I want to have your abortion
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
