Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm getting married
To pizza
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
