Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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