Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
