when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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