i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
