Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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