And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
