I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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