After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
