just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
