Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
