the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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