I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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