One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
