Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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