She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
