Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
