we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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