she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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