Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
