I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize