My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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