we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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