also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
