Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
