You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it penis luge time yet?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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