I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
