What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
