I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
