so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we're so committed to being not committed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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