I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
