Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i barfeds in our rink
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
