The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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