I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
