Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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