When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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