how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize