Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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