I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
