you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My liver just had a heart attack.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
