Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
