It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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