I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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