i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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